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Half-Wit Half


‛Half-Wit Half’ Marathon
13.1 Mile Trail Run, Reading, PA
Sunday, August 10, 2014 * 9:00 AM * No Field Size Limit!

Because A Mind is a Terrible Thing…..

In about 10 years, we will have a portion of the population that is totally oblivious to things that were commonplace just 10-15 years ago. They’ll look with complete befuddlement at a rotary dial phone, and may have never used a phone book either. They’ll have as much luck successfully driving a stick shift vehicle as they would cloning a woolly mammoth. They’ll know what an “STD” is, but not a “VCR” . They’ll have no idea how to read a mercury thermometer, no idea how to use a push mower, no idea what a Nordic track is for (answer: the world’s largest clothes hanger), and when they tune in to an oldies station and they hear Andre 3000 sing “shake it like a Polaroid picture”, they’ll not only have to ask us “oldies” what a Polaroid picture is, they’ll ask us what an Andre 3000 is too! Boy, will WE feel like an OutKast! Now, people that do the Half Wit Half have ALWAYS been ahead of their time. They ALREADY have no idea how to operate these things, what any of them are for or even how to tie their shoes. They also think that “MySpace” is that spot under the bridge where they sleep and that an iPad is where you store your contacts at night. How else can you explain why some 400-600 of them annually sign up for what many people describe as the “trail running equivalent of root canal work”. The Half Wit Half is perhaps Pretzel City’s tuffest race. Type A’s love it because finishing it is quite an accomplishment. Others not as competitive love it because finishing it ALIVE is quite an accomplishment (versus on the back of a horse drawn cart with us yelling “bring out the dead”). It is a smorgasbord of rocks and roots, single, double and triple track trails, uphills that are bad and downhills that are worse, fallen limbs from both trees & those ahead of you, and even urban decay such as the legendary “120 Steps from Hell”. And it is followed by a festive post race party at the Liederkranz German Singing & Sports Club with a cash bar; a semi-live band to match the semi-live finishers, an German biergarten atmosphere, hot & cold food and even a shaded pavilion for your peeps. It takes a person of very limited cranial matter to enter the Half Wit and although you may feel that you don’t qualify; ask your friends and spouse how THEY feel!! It may be that you are a “slam dunk to enter” and are too dumb to even know it. And they’ll take great delight in pointing that out to you. Again! And again! And again! LEGAL LIP-SERVICE: You alone are responsible for your health & welfare at all times while racing!! It’s NOT the place to do your first “trail race” or “race” ever; just like you should not skip the class Alligator Wrestling 101. We don’t look for you if you get lost; we’re whipped from marking the trail the day before! And who would “want you back” anyway? And we don’t carry you out if you get dinged; despite the rocky soil, it is SO much easier to bury you where you drop! For those reasons, we don’t allow entries under 18. We also reject people that ever were “good looking enough” or “shallow enough” to consider appearing on The Bachelor/The Bachelorette, people who constant misplace things (such as our course, their bib, etc.) and anyone who thinks that George Lopez is funny. However, if you were on pins and needles watching the recent Sochi Curling quarterfinals or if you think your Matchbox Car collection will make you rich or if you think that FaceBook is a photo album with nothing but head shots, we welcome you to join all of us that share your affliction & limitations.

1st and 2nd M & F overall + 1st M & F Masters (no repeats) +
0-29: 6M/6F 30-39: 5M/5F 40-49: 5M/5F 50-59: 5M/5F 60-69: 4M, 3F (60 & over for women) 70+: 2M

REGISTRATION/ENTRY: Reading Liederkranz, 140 Spook Lane (off of Hill Rd), Reading, PA Reg. opens at 7:45 a.m., race starts at 9 (approx.). Fee: $34 w/shirt if postmarked by Tues, 7/22/14. Afterwards, $39 while shirts last (inc. raceday), $30 when gone. WARNING: FEW EXTRA TECH SHIRTS printed than the # ordered by prereg entries so if you don’t enter beforehand (even if after the cutoff), the only way you’ll prove to your friends that you’re a “Half Wit” is by showing them the tattoo of your long deceased ferret on your butt cheek. After 7/22, may receive a cotton shirt instead of a tech. We race in heat, rain, humidity & Russian invasions. No refunds, mailed shirts/awards; running with pets (it would be cruel) or wheelchair access; no matter to what degree it is equipped to go off- road. We reserve the right to delay the race start a shade if the weather is mega-foul, such as lightening. For your fee, you get a “collector’s item” tech shirt reflecting the limited smarts of those entered, finisher awards to all, (alternate type mailed to others if we have more finishers than estimated), horse’s butt trophies, lots of munchies, well marked course, 5-6 water stops (some with snacks& alternate beverages), immediate results, results on in 1-2 days, indoor johns & porta johns on site, ambulance present & on-course surprises!

NOTE!! THIS IS ONE OF PCS’s SUMMER RUNS THAT STARTS AT 9 AM. DON’T BE LATE! ALSO, YOU MUST REACH 9M IN UNDER 2 HRS, 30 MIN. If it takes you any longer, it’s dangerous for you to go on (ask the girl who was last in 1999). It also ups the chance that all the food will be gone, the finish line will be packed up & the race committee will be knee deep in Sudoku. So you’re not tempted to “finish or die trying” after the cutoff, we remove the last section’s course markings starting at that time, send armed and lonely rednecks into the woods and force you to watch Dr Phil reruns where he, the original “PudgeBoy”, lectures on nutrition & diet. Bail-out” spot (9M) occurs within 1/4 mile of the finish. If you “bail”, PLEASE don’t CROSS THE FINISH LINE & ell us that you only ran part of the course, etc! Screws up our timing!


FROM PHILLY: IMPORTANT: DO NOT USE MAPQUEST DIRECTIONS FROM PHILLY! Instead, take Rt. 422 West from King of Prussia. Just before Reading, at the new TARGET/LOWES/GIANT on your right, bear right onto Bus. Rt. 422, marked “Mt. Penn”; DON’T follow sign to Reading ** Go 3 miles until road splits at CVS. 300 yds later, JUST PAST Arners Restaurant, take right onto Glen Rd (sign missing, look for "Stokesay Castle" sign visible at last moment). At end of Glen, turn right & then take your next right just 50 yards ahead. Or follow the signs to Stokesay, Liederkrantz is right next to it.

YORK/LANCASTER: Rt. 222 N to Reading. Follow new bypass to Rt. 422 East. Exit at Mt Penn. Take a left, go 3 lights to Bus. Rt. 422. Take a left, follow the Philly directions above after the asterisk **.

ALLENTOWN: Rt. 222 S onto new Reading bypass, merge onto Rt. 422 East (Reading/Pottstown). Go around Reading and exit at Mt Penn. Go left, go 3 lights to Bus. 422W. Take left, follow Philly directions after asterisks **.

LEBANON: Take Rt. 422 East. Just past Berkshire mall, bear right onto Rt. 422E. Continue on bypass past Reading to Mt Penn exit. Take left, go 3 lights to Bus.422W. Go left, follow Philly directions above after asterisks **.

COAL REGION: Take Rt 61 South onto Rt 222 Bypass, follow same directions above listed “Allentown”

BALTIMORE: Rt 83 North to Rt 30 East at York to Rt 222N at Lancaster. Follow Lancaster directions above.


(nominal processing fee applies, closes at midnight on Wed, Aug 6)

Click here to go directly to online registration.

Insurance Provided by Road Runner Clubs of America (R.R.C.A.)


Check Payable to & Mailed to (with waiver): PRETZEL CITY SPORTS, 112 W. 36TH ST., READING, PA 19606
Head Half Wit: Ron Horn, , 610-779-2668,

Last Name_______________________________ First Name_____________________________________

Street Address____________________________________________________________________________

City _____________________________ State______ Zip_________ Sex: M   F   Race Day Age _____

Date of Birth____/___/____ (must be 18 or more)             Size Tech Shirt: XS  S  M  L  XL  2X

Email ______________________________________ Already get Run Update eNewsletters? ___ Yes ___ No

Phone:(______)____________________________________________ AM? ____ PM? ______ BOTH? _____

WAIVER: I know that running a trail race is a potentially hazardous activity. I should not enter and run unless I am medically able and properly trained. I also know that there will be traffic, hazards, debris and poor footing on the course and assume the risk for running on it. I also assume any or all other risks associated with running or attending the race including but not limited to falls, contact with other participants, the affects of the weather, getting lost, wildlife and insect attacks and all such risks being known and appreciated by me. Knowing these facts, and in consideration of your accepting my entry fee, I hereby for myself, my heirs, executors, administrators or anyone else who might claim on my behalf, covenant not to sue, and waive, release and discharge Pretzel City Sports, all municipalities in which the event is held, the race director, course officials, all other organizations directly or indirectly associated with the race, any and all sponsors including their agents, employees, assigns or anyone acting for on their behalf, or anyone else associated in any way with the race, from any or all claims or liability for death, personal injury or property damage of any kind of nature what so ever arising out of, or in the course of, my participation in this event(s). This waiver extends to all claims of every kind or nature what so ever, foreseen or unforeseen, known or unknown. By entering this race, I am granting permission to Pretzel City Sports to use any pictures or likenesses of me secured at the event in any way they see fit without review, restriction or compensation. BY SIGNING THIS, I ATTEST THAT I HAVE READ AND UNDERSTAND THIS WAIVER:

Signature ________________________________________________ Date ________________, 2014