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PRETZEL CITY SPORTS 16th YEAR OF “ABJECT SILLINESS”; THE UNFORGETTABLE
(NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY)
‛Half-Wit Half’ Marathon
13.1 Mile Trail Run, Reading, PA
Sunday, August 14, 2011 * 9:00 AM * No Field Size Limit!
Because A Mind is a Terrible Thing…..
MANY learned minds claim that cow belching & flatulence causes 15% of the world’s greenhouse gases, the worst single culprit. “Bessie burps” cause more than “Elsie End-Emissions” or “Bovine ButtBlasts” but between the two, they make daily pollutants equal to a car (except for ones in Alabama, Arkansas, etc since they are mostly up on cinder blocks or jack stands). Now, others claim that “grazing” heifers actually “help” our air by eating large amounts of nitrous oxide, another greenhouse gas. What they DON’T say is whether this reduced gas has a greater impact than the other gasses that cows emit; what is the “end” effect? And they just IGNORE the fact that most U.S. cattle are raised in “feed farms” where they don’t graze a day in their life. This SAME pretzel-logic has led to our use of ethanol, a fuel that, in the U.S, REQUIRES more fuel to produce than it SAVES! AND it drives up the price of Corn on the Cobb; you insensitive tree hugging bastards!! The same type of conflicting views has plagued the “Half Wit Half” since its inception, with those debates being held by MUCH less “learned minds”. Some say this as the hardest day they have ever spent since they were 16 and Mom found a condom (or doobie) in their pants. They mention the NEVERENDING rocks & roots, serious ascents & descents, downed trees (no water crossings), urban relics like the "128 Steps from Hell" and stifling heat, as reasons that this race plagues them like that poorly thought-out tattoo on their neck. Others, however, (and even some of the critics) say that this is their favorite trail run OF ALL TIME! They cite the aide stations (some w/alternate beverages), unique horses butt awards, eclectic tech shirts with award winning designs & a post race party at the Liederkranz German Singing & Sports Club that goes on forever. The HWH IS possibly PCS’s most memorable race. It is a HUGE accomplishment for the weekend warrior that runs 10-15 miles a week and wants to have the same sense of pride that others feel when they complete a marathon or when they themselves finish a triple-pounder Volcano Cheese Burger w/Bacon in the car, without getting anything on their shirt. And such folks CAN finish this if they pace themselves. And yet, it annually attracts some of the region’s best athletes to “knock heads” and despite the varying opinions, attracts 450-600 people with VERY questionable judgment, logic, aptitude and character (kinda like the U.S. Congress, but with more people). The Half Wit Half will be the most unique race you will ever do, although if you are truly a Half Wit, you probably won’t find the race in the first place. LEGAL BULL: You alone are responsible for your health and welfare at all times during this race!! NOT a good place to do your first “trail race”, first ever “run” or first ever “trip out of the house since they put you on medication” (that is NOT to say that many entries in this event won’t be on medication too). Since Half Wits even get lost even in their own homes, we won’t look for you if you get lost here, since you “bring” so little to society as it is. Because this race is a REAL BUGGER, we do not allow those under 18. We also send away people that think that Donald Trump won’t ditch his current wife for a “younger model” in the next 10 years and those that feel that Oreo’s, by themselves, are not an acceptable lunch, even though they are a “sandwich” cookie. However, if you ever bought tickets for an Elvis Impersonator concert or attended a lawn tractor race or think that you might look good with sideburns (despite the fact that you’re female) we welcome you with open arms, sores and bottles of Spaten!
AWARDS: 1st and 2nd M & F overall + 1st M & F Masters (no repeats) +
18-29: 6M/5F 30-39: 6M/4F 40-49: 6M/4F 50-59: 6M/4F 60-69: 4M, 2F 70+: 1M, 1F
REGISTRATION/ENTRY: Reading Liederkranz, 140 Spook Lane (off of Hill Rd), Reading, PA Reg. opens at 7:45 a.m., race starts at 9 (approx.). Fee: $32 w/shirt if postmarked by Mon, 7/25/11. Afterwards, $37 while shirts last (inc. raceday), $27 when gone. WARNING: FEW EXTRA TECH SHIRTS printed than the # ordered by prereg entries so if you don’t enter beforehand (even if after the cutoff), the only way you’ll prove you’re a “Half Wit” is by showing people your collection of Dick & Jane books or reciting the title and year of every American Pie movie, in chronological order. We race in heat, rain, humidity and stink bug infestation. No refunds, mailed shirts/awards; running with pets (it would be cruel) or in-woods mooning, unless someone moons you first. We reserve the right to delay the race start a shade if the weather is mega-foul, such as lightening. For your fee, you get a “collector’s item” tech shirt reflecting the limited smarts of those entered, finisher awards to all, (alternate type mailed to others if we have more finishers than estimated), very unique trophies, lots of munchies, well marked course, 5-6 water stops (some with snacks& alternate beverages), immediate results, results within 1-2 days posted on www.pretzelcitysports.com, indoor bathrooms & porta johns on site, ambulance present & on-course surprises!
TWO WARNINGS! THIS IS ONE OF TWO PCS’s TRAIL RUNS THAT STARTS AT 9 AM. DON’T SHOW UP AT 9:30!!! ALSO, YOU MUST REACH 9 MILES IN UNDER 2 HRS, 30 MIN. If it takes you any longer, it’s dangerous for you to go on (ask the girl who was last in 1999). It also increases the chance that all the food will be gone, the finish line will be packed up & the race committee will be in cuffs; not arrested, just in cuffs. So you’re not tempted to “finish or die trying” after the cutoff, we remove the last section’s course markings starting at that time, put paint ball snipers on all trails past there and release rabid gerbils along the trail, just to discourage anyone from trying to “find the rest of the course” on their own. Bail-out” spot (9M) occurs within 1/4 mile of the finish. If you “bail”, PLEASE don’t CROSS THE FINISH LINE to tell us that you quit/got lost/got hurt/ only ran part of the course, etc.!!!; It screws up our timing ROYALLY!!!!
DIRECTIONS TO RACE @ 140 SPOOK LANE, READING, PA: FROM PHILLY: IMPORTANT: DO NOT USE MAPQUEST DIRECTIONS FROM PHILLY! Instead, take Rt. 422 West from King of Prussia. Just before Reading, at the new TARGET/LOWES/GIANT on your right, bear right onto Bus. Rt. 422, marked “Mt. Penn”; DON’T follow sign to Reading ** Go 3 miles until road splits at Wachovia Bank (now closed). 300 yds later, JUST PAST Arners Restaurant, take right onto Glen Rd (sign missing, look for "Stokesay Castle" sign visible at last moment). At end of Glen, turn right and then take your next right just 50 yards ahead. Or follow the signs to Stokesay, the Liederkrantz driveway is right next to it.
YORK/LANCASTER: Rt. 222 N to Reading. Follow new bypass to Rt. 422 East. Exit at Mt Penn. Take a left, go 3 lights to Bus. Rt. 422. Take a left, follow the Philly directions above after the asterisk **.
ALLENTOWN: Rt. 222 S onto new Reading bypass, merge onto Rt. 422 East (Reading/Pottstown). Go around Reading and exit at Mt Penn. Go left, go 3 lights to Bus. 422W. Take left, follow Philly directions after asterisks **.
LEBANON: Take Rt. 422 East. Just past Berkshire mall, bear right onto Rt. 422E. Continue on bypass past Reading to Mt Penn exit. Take left, go 3 lights to Bus.422W. Go left, follow Philly directions above after asterisks **.
COAL REGION: Take Rt 61 South onto Rt 222 Bypass, follow same directions above listed “Allentown”
BALTIMORE: Rt 83 North to Rt 30 East at York to Rt 222N at Lancaster. Follow Lancaster directions above.
To download a PDF of this application, click here.
ON-LINE SIGNUP W/CREDIT CARD AVAILABLE:
(optional, nominal processing fee applies, closes at midnight on Wed, Aug 10)
Click here to go directly to online registration.
Insurance Provided by Road Runner Clubs of America (R.R.C.A.)
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Check Payable to & Mailed to (with waiver): PRETZEL CITY SPORTS, 112 W. 36TH ST., READING, PA 19606
Head Half Wit: Ron Horn, rhornpcs@aol.com , 610-779-2668, www.pretzelcitysports.com
PRINT GOODER THAN USUAL. AND DON’T USE CRAYON!! ** APP MAY BE COPIED ** SIGN WAIVER BELOW
Last Name_______________________________ First Name_____________________________________
Street Address____________________________________________________________________________
City ________________________________________ State______ Zip_________
Sex: M F Race Day Age _____ Date of Birth____/___/_____ (must be 18 or more) Size Tech Shirt: S M L XL
Email ______________________________________ Already get Run Update eNewsletters? ___ Yes ___ No
Tel:(______)_____________________________________________ AM? ____ PM? ______ BOTH? _____
WAIVER: I know that running a trail race is a potentially hazardous activity. I should not enter and run unless I am medically able and properly trained. I also know that there will be traffic, hazards, debris and poor footing on the course and assume the risk for running on it. I also assume any or all other risks associated with running or attending the race including but not limited to falls, contact with other participants, the affects of the weather, getting lost, wildlife and insect attacks and all such risks being known and appreciated by me. Knowing these facts, and in consideration of your accepting my entry fee, I hereby for myself, my heirs, executors, administrators or anyone else who might claim on my behalf, covenant not to sue, and waive, release and discharge Pretzel City Sports, all municipalities in which the event is held, the race director, course officials, all other organizations directly or indirectly associated with the race, any and all sponsors including their agents, employees, assigns or anyone acting for on their behalf, or anyone else associated in any way with the race, from any or all claims or liability for death, personal injury or property damage of any kind of nature what so ever arising out of, or in the course of, my participation in this event(s). This waiver extends to all claims of every kind or nature what so ever, foreseen or unforeseen, known or unknown. By entering this race, I am granting permission to Pretzel City Sports to use any pictures or likenesses of me secured at the event in any way they see fit without review, restriction or compensation. BY SIGNING THIS, I ATTEST THAT I HAVE READ AND UNDERSTAND THIS WAIVER:
Signature ________________________________________________ Date ________________, 2011
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