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PRETZEL CITY SPORTS PRESENTS 14 YEARS OF FOOLISHNESS;
THE LEGENDARY (FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS)
Half-Wit Half’ Marathon
13.1 Mile Trail Run, Reading, PA
Sunday, August 16, 2009 * 9:00 AM * No Entry Limit!
This Year's Event is the Only East Coast Trail Run selected for this National Championship
There are an eerie number of similarities between the "Half Wit" & "SlumDog Millionaire." "SlumDog's" plot centers on finding out how some "lowlife" with a poor upbringing & minimal education can get so many answers right on a game show in India. Here, at the Half Wit, we question how so many of the same type of people even find our race location, let alone the finish line. In "SlumDog", the contestant is tortured & beat up even while he's still competing, in the police's quest to figure out how he knows the answers. The course and weather of the Half Wit do pretty much the same to our contestants. In "SlumDog", much of the action takes place in the filth, despair and decay of a poor city. Again, an amazing coincidence. "SlumDog" has also received a number of awards. So has the HWH; it's the 5th or 6th largest U. S. rustic trail run, the only rustic trail run in the East selected for the national La Sportiva series and the #1 vote getter in the regional contest entitled "What can I do to hurt myself on Aug 16th?" Lastly, "SlumDog" finishes, against all odds, with a "happy ending." Many of our "Half Wits" are known to ask for the same thing toward the end of a massage. The HWH is a tuff but doable race for those with more guts than brains and those that embrace the fact that not everyone can go to Oxford, Cambridge or other small towns on the Maryland Eastern Shore. It's a gaggle of rocks & roots, serious climbs & loose rock descents, trees across trails, urban relics like the "128 Steps from Hell", memorable aide stations, bizarre awards, even more bizarre shirts & a post race party at the Liederkranz German Singing & Sports Club that make WoodStock look like an AARP convention. That's why 400-600 fools from 8-12 states come back to this race each year, much like the Amish to a barn raising, thus confirming that Lincoln was wrong; you CAN fool all of the people, all of the time! The Half Wit Half; a running adventure for those who never could figure out what the 10 differences were between those two side by side cartoons in the funny papers, and are damn proud of it!! O-FISHUL LEGAL TYPE NOTICE: You alone are responsible for your health and welfare at all times during this race!! While this is perhaps Pretzel City's tuffest event, it can be done by people that are closer to "Nutrisystem" than "normal". But should you realize once we've started that you've" bitten off more than you can chew" (which is why you're closer to "Nutrisystem" in the first place) or you have a sudden rash of "bone sticking thru skin-ism", you must get your hiney to one of our aide stations or road crossings so that we can cart you back to the start where we'll watch you drown your sorrows with purchased suds and bananas that have sat out for too long in the sun. Since it is quite a challenge, we do not allow runners under 18 in the HWH. Others discouraged from entering are those who floss religiously after every meal and people that fail to realize that a good dirty joke is the foundation of this country. On the other hand, anyone who ever owned a K-Tel record album or posed for any picture where you "put your head thru a hole in a painted piece of plywood" is welcome with open arms, open legs and teeth.
AWARDS: M/ F 1st, 2nd & 3rd overall + 1st M & F Masters winners (no repeats) + 18-29: 7M/4F 30-39: 7M/4F 40-49: 7M/4F 50-59: 6M/3F 60-69: 4M, 3F 70+: 1M, women counted in 60 and over
REGISTRATION/ENTRY: Reading Liederkranz, 140 Spook Lane (off of Hill Rd), Reading, PA Reg. opens at 7:45 a.m., race starts at 9 (approx.). Fee: $28 w/shirt if postmarked by Wed, 8/05/09. Afterwards, $34 while shirts last (inc.day of race), $27 when gone. WARNING: FEW extra shirts printed than the # ordered by prereg entries so if you don’t enter beforehand (even if after the cutoff), the only way you’ll prove you’re a “HalfWit” is by calling in to a talk radio program and talking about the coverup of alien landings by the US Government. We race in heat, rain, sleet, humidity and recession. No refunds, mailed shirts/awards; running with pets (it would be cruel) or in-woods face piercings. We reserve the right to delay the race start a short while if the weather is mega-foul at 9, such as lightening. To maintain the "pureness" of our competitors, we also reserve the right to see if you can name any Vice Presidents over the past 100 years other than Cheney. For your fee, you get a “collector’s item” shirt that reflects the limited smarts of those that enter, finisher awards for first 500 finishers (alternate award mailed to others), very unique trophies, lots of caloric items to consume, a covered registration area, well marked course, 5-6 water stops (some with snacks), immediate results, results on www.pretzelcitysports.com in 1-2 days, indoor bathrooms & porta johns on site, ambulance present & on-course surprises! “Bargain running clothing” lady may be there; bring cash!
TWO WARNINGS! THIS IS THE ONLY PRETZEL CITY TRAIL RUN THAT STARTS AT 9 AM. DON’T SHOW UP AT 9:30, YOU HALF-WIT!! ALSO, YOU MUST REACH 9 MILES IN UNDER 2 HRS, 30 MIN. If it takes you any longer, it’s dangerous for you to go on (ask the girl who was last in 1999). It also increases the chance that all the food will be gone, the finish line will be packed up and the race committee will be doing its third round of Fiesta Dogs at the Pennside Drive-In nearby. So you’re not tempted to “finish or die trying” after the cutoff, we remove the last section’s course markings starting at that time, send pit bulls that have been denied food for 3 days onto the course & post naked pictures of the race director at each subsequent trail turn just to discourage anyone from trying to “find the rest of the course” on their own. Bail-out” spot (9M) occurs within 1/4 mile of the finish. If you “bail”, PLEASE don’t CROSS THE FINISH LINE to tell us that you quit-got lost-pulled a hamstring-only ran part of the course, etc.!!!; It screws up our timing ROYALLY!!!!
DIRECTIONS FROM : PHILLY: IMPORTANT: DO NOT USE MAPQUEST DIRECTIONS FROM PHILLY! Instead, take Rt. 422 West from King of Prussia. Just before Reading, 1 block past Arby’s & Burger King, bear right onto Bus. Rt. 422, marked “Mt. Penn”; DON’T follow sign to Reading ** Go 3 miles until road splits at Wachovia Bank. 300 yds later, JUST PAST Arners Restaurant, take right onto Glen Rd (sign missing, road is right before bridge begins). At end of Glen, turn right and then take an immediate right. Liederkranz is 50 yards ahead on right.
YORK/LANCASTER: Rt. 222 N to Reading. Follow new bypass to Rt. 422 East. Exit at Mt Penn. Take a left, go 3 lights to Bus. Rt. 422. Take a left, follow the Philly directions above after the asterisk **.
ALLENTOWN: Rt. 222 S onto new Reading bypass, merge onto Rt. 422 East (Reading/Pottstown). Go around Reading and exit at Mt Penn. Go left, go 3 lights to Bus. 422W. Take left, follow Philly directions after asterisks **.
LEBANON: Take Rt. 422 East. Just past Berkshire mall, bear right onto Rt. 422E. Continue on bypass past Reading to Mt Penn exit. Take left, go 3 lights to Bus.422W. Go left, follow Philly directions above after asterisks **.
COAL REGION: Take Rt 61 South onto Rt 222 Bypass, follow same directions above listed “Allentown”
BALTIMORE: Rt 83 North to Rt 30 East at York to Rt 222N at Lancaster. Follow Lancaster directions above.
GPS & MAPQUEST INPUT: 140 Spook Lane, Reading, PA
ON-LINE SIGNUP W/CREDIT CARD AVAILABLE ON WWW.PRETZELCITYSPORTS.COM
(optional, nominal processing fee applies, closes at midnight on Wed, Aug 12)
Click Here to go to Online Registration
Insurance Provided by Road Runner Clubs of America (R.R.C.A.)
Check Payable to & Mailed to (with waiver): Pretzel City Sports, 112 W. 36TH ST., READING, PA 19606
Head Half Wit: Ron Horn, rhornpcs@aol.com , 610-779-2668, www.pretzelcitysports.com
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NO SCRIBBLING OR DOCTOR'S WRITING PERMITTED ** APP MAY BE COPIED ** SIGN WAIVER BELOW
Last Name__________________________________ First Name_________________________________
Street Address____________________________________________________________________________
City______________________________ State______ Zip_________ Sex: M F Race Day Age _____
Date of Birth____/___/___ (must be 18)
Size Size: S M L XL
Shirt Type (circle one): * Tank Top *Regular T
Email ____________________________________ Already get Run Update eNewsletters? ___ Yes ___ No
Tel:(______)__________________________________________ AM? ____ PM? ______ BOTH? _____
WAIVER: I know that running a trail race is a potentially hazardous activity. I should not enter and run unless I am medically able and properly trained. I also know that there will be traffic, hazards, debris and poor footing on the course and assume the risk for running on it. I also assume any or all other risks associated with running or attending the race including but not limited to falls, contact with other participants, the affects of the weather, getting lost, wildlife and insect attacks and all such risks being known and appreciated by me. Knowing these facts, and in consideration of your accepting my entry fee, I hereby for myself, my heirs, executors, administrators or anyone else who might claim on my behalf, covenant not to sue, and waive, release and discharge Pretzel City Sports, all municipalities in which the event is held, the race director, course officials, all other organizations directly or indirectly associated with the race, any and all sponsors including their agents, employees, assigns or anyone acting for on their behalf, or anyone else associated in any way with the race, from any or all claims or liability for death, personal injury or property damage of any kind of nature what so ever arising out of, or in the course of, my participation in this event(s). This waiver extends to all claims of every kind or nature what so ever, foreseen or unforeseen, known or unknown. By entering this race, I am granting permission to Pretzel City Sports to use any pictures or likenesses of me secured at the event in any way they see fit without review, restriction or compensation. BY SIGNING THIS, I ATTEST THAT I HAVE READ AND UNDERSTAND THIS WAIVER:
Signature ________________________________________________ Date ________________, 2009
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