PRETZEL CITY SPORTS’ 20TH ANNUAL GATHERING OF THE SLOW-WITTED AND FAST-FOOTED; THE
‛Half-Wit Half’ Marathon
13.1 Mile Trail Run, Reading, PA
Sunday, August 9, 2015 * 9:00 AM * No Field Size Limit!
Because A Mind is a Terrible Thing…..
Annually, there are numerous events held across the nation that bring together, in a festive manner, our country’s truly dim, braindead, bizarre and underachieving people. Such gatherings include Comic-Cons, the Daytime Emmys luncheon, Video game competitions, WWE Wrestling matches, all Groundhog Day celebrations/Polar Plunges/Tractor Pulls/Kids Beauty Pageants, any Sarah Palin Campaign Team meeting, the Tea Party National convention and all sessions of Congress. Few of the attendees of such events have to break any dental appointments to be there since most have a limited number of teeth, and the same reason applies to them getting off work. Such folks relish these opportunities since, for one of the few moments in their lives, there is a slight chance that they may not be the dumbest or lamest or most misguided person in the room; a RARE occurrence for each and every one of them. The Half Wit Half has been one such gathering for the past 20 years. Annually, some 400-600 of such folks show up to run what many people describe as the “trail running equivalent of a bad lip enhancement job” (google “Melanie Griffith” for an example). The Half Wit Half is perhaps Pretzel City’s tuffest race; with bad footing, hot weather, uncaring volunteers and more ups and downs that clothing covering Miley Cyrus’s upper body. Type A’s love it because it is a workout and a half! The middle of the pack-er’s love it because finishing it will be one of the greatest athletic achievements of their lives. The back of the pack-ers love it because they don’t know any better. It is a cornucopia of rocks and roots, single, double and triple track trails, uphills that are bad and downhills that are worse, fallen limbs from both trees & those ahead of you, and even urban decay such as the legendary “120 Steps from Hell”. And it is followed by a festive post race party at the Liederkranz German Singing & Sports Club with a cash bar; a live band to play to our almost dead finishers, a German biergarten atmosphere, hot & cold food and even a shaded pavilion for your peeps. It takes a person of very low SAT scores (or none at all) to enter the Half Wit and although you may feel that you don’t qualify; I suspect that a poll of your friends & coworkers will tell you exactly how wrong you are. In fact, it may practically seem like a family reunion to you! Come join us for a course that can only be loved by someone with limited cranial matter and a total disregard for their safety and health; the Half Wit Half. LEGAL LIP-SERVICE: You alone are responsible for your health & welfare at all times while racing!! This is NOT the day to do your first “trail race” or “race” ever; pick something easier and safer to start off with, such as defusing land mines. Also, be aware that you are somewhat on your own; we don’t look for you if you get lost since we are old and too whipped from marking the trail the day before! Plus, there’s a chance that your loved ones may resent us for finding you and we probably like them more than you. For those reasons, we don’t allow entries under 18. We also reject people that are surprised that Honey Boo Boo’s Mom is sleeping with a child molester and anyone who doesn’t miss “The Colbert Report”. However, if you own every season of “Impractical Jokers” or have ever sent away for a piece of fitness equipment that slides under your bed or are inordinately curious about the sexual tension between SpongeBob and Patrick, we welcome you with open arms.
1st and 2nd M & F overall + 1st M & F Masters (no repeats) +
0-29: 5M/5F 30-39: 5M/5F 40-49: 5M/5F 50-59: 5M/5F 60-67: 4M, 3F 68+: 2M, 1F
REGISTRATION/ENTRY: Reading Liederkranz, 140 Spook Lane (off of Hill Rd), Reading, PA Reg. opens at 7:45 a.m., race starts at 9 (approx.). Fee: $34 w/shirt if postmarked by Tues, 7/21/15. Afterwards, $39 while shirts last (inc. raceday), $32 when gone. WARNING: FEW EXTRA TECH SHIRTS printed than the # ordered by prereg entries so if you don’t enter beforehand (even if after the cutoff), the only way you’ll prove to your friends that you’re a “Half Wit” is by showing them the tattoo that you got of your “beloved”, which now happens to be six “beloveds” ago. After 7/21, may receive a cotton shirt instead of a tech. We race in heat, rain, humidity & stinkbug infestation. No refunds, mailed shirts/awards; running with pets (it would be cruel) or baby joggers (they’d end with no teeth, even if they started with some). We reserve the right to delay the race start a shade if the weather is mega-foul, such as lightening. For your fee, you get a “collector’s item” tech shirt reflecting the limited smarts of those entered, finisher awards to all, (alternate type mailed to others if we have more finishers than estimated), horse’s butt trophies, lots of munchies, well marked course, 5-6 water stops (some with snacks & alternate beverages), immediate results on pretzelcitysports.com in 1-2 days, ambulance present & on-course surprises!
NOTE!! THIS IS ONE OF PCS’s RUNS THAT STARTS AT 9 AM. DON’T BE LATE! ALSO, YOU MUST REACH 9M IN UNDER 2 HRS, 30 MIN. If it takes you any longer, it’s dangerous for you to go on (ask the girl who was last in 1999). It also ups the chance that all the food will be gone, the finish line will be packed up & the race committee will be half lit. So that you’re not tempted to “finish or die trying” after that time, we remove the last section’s course markings at that point, send telemarketers into the woods to ask you if you have a home-security system and do various other things that will make you sorry that you continued. Or even started! “Bail-out” spot (9M) occurs within 1/4 mile of the finish. If you “bail”, PLEASE DON’T CROSS THE FINISH LINE & THEN tell us that you only ran part of the course, etc! Screws up our timing!
DIRECTIONS TO RACE @ 140 SPOOK LANE, READING, PA:
FROM PHILLY: IMPORTANT: DO NOT USE MAPQUEST DIRECTIONS FROM PHILLY! Instead, take Rt. 422 West from King of Prussia. Just before Reading, at the new TARGET/LOWES/GIANT on your right, bear right onto Bus. Rt. 422, marked “Mt. Penn”; DON’T follow sign to Reading ** Go 3 miles until road splits at CVS. 300 yds later, JUST PAST Arners Restaurant, take right onto Glen Rd (sign missing, look for "Stokesay Castle" sign visible at last moment). At end of Glen, turn right & then take your next right just 50 yards ahead. Or follow the signs to Stokesay, Liederkranz is right next to it.
YORK/LANCASTER: Rt. 222 N to Reading. Follow new bypass to Rt. 422 East. Exit at Mt Penn. Take a left, go 3 lights to Bus. Rt. 422. Take a left, follow the Philly directions above after the asterisks**.
ALLENTOWN: Rt. 222 S onto new Reading bypass, merge onto Rt. 422 East (Reading/Pottstown). Go around Reading and exit at Mt Penn. Go left, go 3 lights to Bus. 422W. Take left, follow Philly directions after asterisks**.
LEBANON: Take Rt. 422 East. Just past Berkshire mall, bear right onto Rt. 422E. Continue on bypass past Reading to Mt Penn exit. Take left, go 3 lights to Bus. 422W. Go left, follow Philly directions above after asterisks**.
COAL REGION: Take Rt 61 South onto Rt 222 Bypass, follow same directions above listed “Allentown”
BALTIMORE: Rt 83 North to Rt 30 East at York to Rt 222N at Lancaster. Follow Lancaster directions above.
OPTIONAL ON-LINE SIGNUP W/CREDIT CARD AVAILABLE ON
(nominal processing fee applies, closes at midnight on Wed, Aug 6)
Click here to go directly to online registration.
Insurance Provided by Road Runner Clubs of America (R.R.C.A.)
Check Payable to & Mailed to (with waiver): PRETZEL CITY SPORTS, 112 W. 36TH ST., READING, PA 19606
Head Half Wit: Ron Horn, firstname.lastname@example.org , 610-779-2668, www.pretzelcitysports.com
PLEASE, HALF WIT! HAVE SOMEONE HELP YOU FILL THIS OUT ** APP MAY BE COPIED ** SIGN WAIVER ON BACK
Last Name_______________________________ First Name_____________________________________
City _____________________________ State______ Zip_________ Sex: M F Race Day Age _____
Date of Birth____/___/____ (must be 18 or more) Size Tech Shirt: XS S M L XL 2X
Email ______________________________________ Already get Run Update eNewsletters? ___ Yes ___ No
Phone:(______)____________________________________________ AM? ____ PM? ______ BOTH? _____
WAIVER: I know that running a trail race is a potentially hazardous activity. I should not enter and run unless I am medically able and properly trained. I also know that there will be traffic, hazards, debris and poor footing on the course and assume the risk for running on it. I also assume any or all other risks associated with running or attending the race including but not limited to falls, contact with other participants, the affects of the weather, getting lost, wildlife and insect attacks and all such risks being known and appreciated by me. Knowing these facts, and in consideration of your accepting my entry fee, I hereby for myself, my heirs, executors, administrators or anyone else who might claim on my behalf, covenant not to sue, and waive, release and discharge Pretzel City Sports, all municipalities in which the event is held, the race director, course officials, all other organizations directly or indirectly associated with the race, any and all sponsors including their agents, employees, assigns or anyone acting for on their behalf, or anyone else associated in any way with the race, from any or all claims or liability for death, personal injury or property damage of any kind of nature what so ever arising out of, or in the course of, my participation in this event(s). This waiver extends to all claims of every kind or nature what so ever, foreseen or unforeseen, known or unknown. By entering this race, I am granting permission to Pretzel City Sports to use any pictures or likenesses of me secured at the event in any way they see fit without review, restriction or compensation. BY SIGNING THIS, I ATTEST THAT I HAVE READ AND UNDERSTAND THIS WAIVER:
Signature ________________________________________________ Date ________________, 2015