PRETZEL CITY SPORTS’ 21st ANNUAL GATHERING OF
“UNDERACHIEVERS UNFAZED BY AN UNUSUALLY UNDULATING TRAIL”; THE
‛Half-Wit Half’ Marathon
13.1 Mile Trail Run, Reading, PA
Sunday, August 14, 2016 * 9:00 AM * No Field Size Limit!
Because A Mind is a Terrible Thing…..
It’s on every web site and in every newspaper. A person drives off a cliff due to their unwavering belief in their GPS directions, a person tries to dry their wet Spaniel in a microwave, a robber leaving the crime scene finds that they locked their keys inside the getaway car, someone mistakes superglue for their hemorrhoid medication (with life altering results). Turn on Tosh.0 and you see a person skateboarding down their garage roof, trying to clear a 4 ft picket fence to land in their pool 6 ft away. Heck, the JackAss gang made a fortune doing such acts of bravery with no regard for one’s body. There is a highly complex Latin medical term for this genre of people; they’re called “Idiots”. And you’d be wise to stay clear of them, since “collateral damage” seems to follow them wherever they go. Having said that, one has to admit that watching such fools go about their poorly thought acts of bravado, while disdaining any speck of common sense, can be QUITE AMUSING! So, if you are NOT wise and find such morons more fun to watch than a line drive to someone’s groin or like to go places where you are emotionally & mentally superior to all around you, then the “Half Wit Half” Marathon is the place to be; even more so than a tractor pull, a Jim Beam bottle convention or a Sarah Palin speech! The HWH annually draws 400-600 people of low SAT scores & suspected family inter-breeding to run what some people call the “trail running equivalent of MC Hammer’s career” (while running in decidedly tighter pants than his). The Half Wit is perhaps Pretzel City’s tuffest race; with bad footing, hot weather, uncaring volunteers and more challenges to conquer than Donald Trump’s hair stylist. The ‘buffs” love it cause it’s a great workout, the mid-packers love it because finishing it is a great accomplishment and the back of the pack-ers love it because they love everything that doesn’t bite or tease them. It has rocks and roots, single, double and triple track trails, uphills that are bad and downhills that are worse, fallen limbs from both trees & those ahead of you, unique aide stations and even urban decay such as the legendary “120 Steps from Hell”. And it is followed by a festive post race party at the Liederkranz German Singing & Sports Club with a cash bar; a live band to play Taps over you, a German biergarten atmosphere, hot & cold food and even a shaded pavilion for your peeps. It takes a person with a serious cranial deficit to enter the Half Wit and although you may feel that you don’t qualify; I suspect that a poll of your friends & coworkers will tell you exactly how wrong you are. Come join us for a course that can only be loved by someone that is even slower with their thought process than they are with their feet. LEGAL HORSE-POOP: You alone are responsible for your health & welfare at all times while racing!! Just like the Indy 500 is not the best place to take your driving test, this is not the best place for your first trail run. Also, be aware that you are somewhat on your own. Get dinged? Get your butt to one of our aide stations. Get lost? Well, the chance of us looking for you are slimmer than the chance of Kim Kardasian’s kids finding a bike license plate with their name on it. For those reasons, entries under 18 are discouraged. We also reject people that think Breaking Bad was a show about a group being counseled for excessive flatulence and those that think that the Chinese government gives a damn about air pollution. However, if you ever bought a case of Milwaukee’s Best, or visited any Ripley’s Museum or ever answered any geography test question with the words “Gilligan’s Island”, we welcome you with open arms, legs and minds.
1st and 2nd M & F overall + 1st M & F Masters (no repeats) +
0-29: 5M/5F 30-39: 5M/5F 40-49: 5M/5F 50-59: 5M/5F 60-67: 4M, 3F 68+: 2M, 1F
REGISTRATION/ENTRY: Reading Liederkranz, 140 Spook Lane (off of Hill Rd), Reading, PA Reg. opens at 7:45 a.m., race starts at 9. Fee: $34 w/shirt in a M or F cut if postmarked by Tues, 7/26/16. Afterwards, $39 while shirts last (inc. raceday), $32 when gone. WARNING: FEW EXTRA TECH SHIRTS printed than the # ordered by prereg entries so if you don’t enter beforehand (even if after the cutoff), the only way you’ll prove to your friends that you’re a “Half Wit” is by showing them the picture of you running the AV machine in High School. After 7/26, may receive a cotton shirt instead of a tech & the option of getting a F cut may be gone. We race in heat, rain, humidity & alien invasion No refunds, mailed shirts/awards; running with pets (would be cruel) or baby joggers (they’d end with no teeth, even if they started with some). We reserve the right to delay the race start a shade if the weather is mega-foul. For your fee, you get a “collector’s item” tech shirt reflecting the limited smarts of those entered, finisher awards to all, (alternate type mailed to others if we have more finishers than estimated), horse’s butt trophies, lots of munchies, well marked course, 5-6 water stops (some with snacks & alternate beverages), immediate results on pretzelcitysports.com in 1-2 days, ambulance present, on-course surprises!
NOTE!! THIS IS ONE OF PCS’s RUNS THAT STARTS AT 9 AM. DON’T BE LATE! ALSO, YOU MUST REACH 9M IN UNDER 2 HRS, 30 MIN. If it takes you any longer, it’s dangerous for you to go on (ask the girl who was last in 1999). It also ups the chance that all the food will be gone, the finish line will be packed up & the race committee will be half lit. So that you’re not tempted to “finish or die trying” after that time, we remove the last section’s course markings at that point, send window replacement salesmen into the woods to solicit your business & do various other things that will make you sorry that you continued. Or even started! “Bail-out” spot (9M) occurs within 1/4 mile of the finish. If you “bail”, PLEASE DON’T CROSS THE FINISH LINE & THEN tell us that you only ran part of the course, etc! Screws up our timing!
DIRECTIONS TO RACE @ 140 SPOOK LANE, READING, PA: FROM PHILLY: IMPORTANT: DO NOT USE MAPQUEST DIRECTIONS FROM PHILLY! Instead, take Rt. 422 West from King of Prussia. Just before Reading, at the new TARGET/LOWES/GIANT on your right, bear right onto Bus. Rt. 422, marked “Mt. Penn”; DON’T follow sign to Reading ** Go 3 miles until road splits at CVS. 300 yds later, JUST PAST restaurant on right, take right onto Glen Rd (sign missing, look for "Stokesay Castle" sign visible at last moment). At end of Glen, turn right & then take your next right just 50 yards ahead. Or follow the signs to Stokesay, Liederkranz is right next to it.
YORK/LANCASTER: Rt. 222 N to Reading. Follow new bypass to Rt. 422 East. Exit at Mt Penn. Take a left, go 3 lights to Bus. Rt. 422. Take a left, follow the Philly directions above after the asterisks **.
ALLENTOWN: Rt. 222 S onto new Reading bypass, merge onto Rt. 422 East (Reading/Pottstown). Go around Reading and exit at Mt Penn. Go left, go 3 lights to Bus. 422W. Take left, follow Philly directions after asterisks **.
LEBANON: Take Rt. 422 East. Just past Berkshire mall, bear right onto Rt. 422E. Continue on bypass past Reading to Mt Penn exit. Take left, go 3 lights to Bus. 422W. Go left, follow Philly directions above after asterisks **.
COAL REGION: Take Rt 61 South onto Rt 222 Bypass, follow same directions above listed “Allentown”
BALTIMORE: Rt 83 North to Rt 30 East at York to Rt 222N at Lancaster. Follow Lancaster directions above.
OPTIONAL ON-LINE SIGNUP W/CREDIT CARD AVAILABLE ON
(nominal processing fee applies, closes at midnight the Wed of race week)
Click here to go directly to online registration.
Insurance Provided by Road Runner Clubs of America (R.R.C.A.)
Check Payable to & Mailed to (with waiver): PRETZEL CITY SPORTS, 112 W. 36TH ST., READING, PA 19606 Head Half Wit: Ron Horn, firstname.lastname@example.org , 610-779-2668, www.pretzelcitysports.com
HALF WIT! USE THE END OF THE PENCIL THAT IS NOT PINK ** APP MAY BE COPIED ** SIGN WAIVER
Last Name_______________________________ First Name_____________________________________
City _____________________________ State______ Zip_________ Sex: M F Race Day Age _____
Date of Birth____/___/____ (must be 18 or more) Shirt Cut ____ M ____ F Size Tech Shirt: XS S M L XL 2X
Email ______________________________________ Already get Run Update eNewsletters? ___ Yes ___ No
Phone:(______)____________________________________________ AM? ____ PM? ______ BOTH? _____
WAIVER: I know that running a trail race is a potentially hazardous activity. I should not enter and run unless I am medically able and properly trained. I also know that there will be traffic, hazards, debris and poor footing on the course and assume the risk for running on it. I also assume any or all other risks associated with running or attending the race including but not limited to falls, contact with other participants, the affects of the weather, getting lost, wildlife and insect attacks and all such risks being known and appreciated by me. Knowing these facts, and in consideration of your accepting my entry fee, I hereby for myself, my heirs, executors, administrators or anyone else who might claim on my behalf, covenant not to sue, and waive, release and discharge Pretzel City Sports, all municipalities in which the event is held, the race director, course officials, all other organizations directly or indirectly associated with the race, any and all sponsors including their agents, employees, assigns or anyone acting for on their behalf, or anyone else associated in any way with the race, from any or all claims or liability for death, personal injury or property damage of any kind of nature what so ever arising out of, or in the course of, my participation in this event(s). This waiver extends to all claims of every kind or nature what so ever, foreseen or unforeseen, known or unknown. By entering this race, I am granting permission to Pretzel City Sports to use any pictures or likenesses of me secured at the event in any way they see fit without review, restriction or compensation. BY SIGNING THIS, I ATTEST THAT I HAVE READ AND UNDERSTAND THIS WAIVER:
Signature ________________________________________________ Date ________________, 2016