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Are the Trail Races in Reading plus the ones that are assisted
by Pretzel City Sports Pretzel City Sports elsewhere (Marsh
Creek, Evansburg, etc) SERIOUS racing events or nothing more
than a Big Joke?
Both!
How Hard are the Races?
Not nearly as hard as trying to resurrect Pee Wee Herman’s career, getting a
prostate exam by a former NFL defensive lineman, hosting the MTV Video awards
without a metal detector or sitting thru a Saturday Night Live skit any time
over the past 10-15 years. Our surfaces are rocky but still very run-able, the
hills are not that steep that your snotty nose will drip onto your knees and
just SEEM to be never-ending, our water crossing are normally only ankle deep
(if you’re Shaquille O’Neal) and most crossings aren’t more than 10 feet wide
at best. You will get winded at times from sprinting to pass before the trail
narrows again and 1-2 of you will fall because you’ll be in a state of euphoria
and not watching where you’re stepping. However, many of our finishers are 60
minute 10k people and one of our more frequent entries is a 67 year old woman
who stands 5 ft high, so how hard can these races be? Having said that,
she’s a heck of a competitor and don’t be surprised if she kicks your butt!
Could you be more specific about the difficulty, Poop for Brains??!!
Ok, here’s 2 more references:
1. For our easier races, add about l-1.5 minutes per mile to your average time
if you run 42:00 or less for a10K, add about l.5-2 minutes to your average time
per mile if you run 42:00-52:00 10K’s, add about 2.5 minutes to your average
time per mile if you run 52:00+ for a10K and if you run like me, bring a sundial!
These are highly unscientific estimates based on years on observations and many
beers.
2. On the official Reading Area Trailrun Index (known as the
RATI rating), here’s my scale of difficulty on a scale of
1-10 for most of the trail runs in this area:
Tyler Arboretum
10k-3.75
Wissahickon 10k-3.85
Marsh Creek Raptor 5M-4.1 if temp is below 80 degrees,
4.9 if it’s above 80
Mrs. Smith’s Challenge 5m-4.50.
Evansburg Challenge 10m- 5.7
Double Trouble 15k-6.3
Smiths Challenge 10k-6.5
Marsh Creek Raptor 10M-7.3 if temp is below 80 degrees,
7.9 if above 80
Dirty Bird 15k-7.3
Ugly Mudder 7.2M-7.5
Mt Penn Mudfest 15k-7.6
Chilly Cheeks 7.2M- 7.75
Smith’s Challenge 20k-8.4
Double Trouble 30k-8.5
Half-Wit Half 13.1M-9.75
Blues Cruise 50k-9.9 (just due to the distance
vs. others on this list)
Conestoga 10M-9.99999
The next race that Bill Smith decides to create-12.
Why are Pretzel City trail races so
big?
Probably for two reasons 1) we don’t take ourselves too seriously;
after all, no one else does either! So, we design our
races to be fun, in a sick sorta way, or at least they’re
fun for us when we see you come across the line covered
with bug bite welts, mud, poison oak, dried blood and shiggy
scratches. As they say, “it’s never fun being in an accident
but it sure is fun causing one! “ and 2) our races tend to
be more “events” than just races. It’s common for us to have
a nice spread of hot and cold refreshments, a live band, crazy
door prizes, nice giveaways, unique awards, bizarre shirts,
great shopping deals and access to various lagers and grape
products available for purchase from the establishment where
we meet. Unlike other races, we often have to kick our
finishers out sometime afterwards, rather than see them disappear
quicker than a cheesesteak stromboli at a Jenny Craig meeting.
That is why most of our races draw competitors from a minimum
of 6-8 states and some draw from 2-3 times that number of
states.
I’m Not Very Fast; Do You think I’ll be Last?
Probably. But so what? Actually, our answer for this question
is wrong in every single case except for one person so what
worry about it. Besides, as a back of the pack-er myself,
I count every person that registered but didn’t show up and
people that got hurt and had to drop out as “people who’s
asses I kicked”. It makes being toward the end a lot more
palatable.
How Well are the Courses Marked?
What do you expect us to say, that only an Indian or Boy Scout
could follow it??!! Our courses could be followed by Stevie
Wonder on crack! If you do get lost, it’s probably because
you didn’t listen to the directions before the race, weren’t
vigilant at intersections, disregarded the fact that you ran
for the last 3 miles without seeing a mile marker, followed
someone who you ASSUMED knew where they were going or did
something that defies even the broadest definition of "common
sense".
What Type of Shoes Should I Wear?
Hi-heels and golf spikes are not recommended. Neither are
bowling shoes since they don’t seem to go with anything. Ballet
slippers come in handy when jumping over logs but are pretty
useless everywhere else on the course. Because our courses
are not all that rocky, steep or long, many of the front runners
wear racing flats. Most of the rest of the participants run
in whatever they train in for the road. Whatever you wear,
however, will often get wet, smelly or laden with horse poo
so bring other shoes for afterwards. And ALWAYS bring
fuzzy bunny or fuzzy piggy slippers for the ride home!
What if I Can’t Finish It?
What a candy-ass!!! Have you always had these self-esteem
problems or only since you developed that skin problem or
got laid off from McDonalds for forgetting the flavor of the
”Shake of the Month”? YOU WILL FINISH, CUPCAKE! However,
many of our courses pass near the start finish at some point
in the race (i.e. the Mudfest passes with 30 yards of the
start/finish area at 2.6 miles and again at 6.9 miles). Also,
any of our aide station folks, whom you’ll pass repeatedly
along the way, will be glad to bring you back once their appointed
task has been completed and provided that you smell OK. Having
said all that, finish! The finisher awards only are distributed
to those that earn it.
Do I need to Carry Water?
In most cases, only if you sweat like bin Laden when bombers
fly overhead or if it's a longer race at 90+ degrees. There’s
normally water stops every 2.5-3 miles in all of our runs.
If you can’t run a maximum of 2.5 miles without a water stop,
you may wish to see a urologist or have your sweat glands
surgically removed.
Mudfest Only: Why does the race have a Field Limit (our only local race
with a field limit)?
Three reasons 1) the park authority will not permit more since
that’s all the parking that exists 2) within ¼ of a mile,
you enter single-track trail. You’ll already be packed in
like sheep going to slaughter as it is. Why make it worse?
3) it’s already difficult for us to spend all the race profits
on suds, sleaze and bail. More people would mean more profit
which would mean more arrests and so on and so on.
Mudfest Only: What can I do? I’ve Always Run this
Race but Applied too Late!
If you’ve always run this race, more than anyone else, you
should have known better!! Who receives more warnings that
this race fills up quick??!! It filled 10 days early in 2000,
39 days early in 2001, in 5 days, 24 hours after registration
opened in 2002. Plus, all current year runners get first notification
on how to enter early. We EVEN have a cancellation policy
that, if you later change your mind, allows for you to get
your money back. So, if you’re looking for sympathy here,
you might as well be looking for a starlet with natural boobs.
The only exceptions? If you did not get in and have done the
race every single year (and our records bear that out), email
us at rhornpcs@aol.com and we’ll do everything we can to make
up for your failure to get on the bandwagon.
Mudfest Only: What Day will the Race be Held in 2007? 2008? 2009? 2027?
Easter Saturday, Easter Saturday, Easter Saturday. Easter
Saturday. Are you starting to see a pattern here?
When is Easter in 2007? 2008?
2009? 2027?
Do I look like the butler that used to be features on askjeeves.com?
Close all of those porn sites you currently have open, go
to Google and LOOK IT UP! One of my favorite sites for
such info (or any info for that matter) is www.refdesk.com;
check it out!
What About the Other Races?
The Chilly Cheeks is on the 3rd Sunday in Jan. The Ugly
Mudder is held on the last Sunday in Feb. The Double
Trouble is held annually the Sunday after Father’s Day. The
Half-Wit is normally the Sunday of the 2nd full weekend in
August. The Evansburg Challenge is held the last Sunday of
Oct. and the Dirty Bird is the Sunday of Thanksgiving weekend.
Pretzel City holds all of those race except the Mudfest which
I direct as part of the Pagoda Pacers and the Evansburg, where
I assist the race.
How Can I Make Sure that I Get on and Stay on your Mailing List for upcoming
trail runs?
Two ways 1) do one of our races or one that we help with;
you’ll stay on our mailing list for any mailing that has a
trail run in it for about the next 2 years or 2) email a request
to be added to me, rhornpcs@aol.com, with your COMPLETE name & address
including zip; we’ll keep you on for about a year and then
drop you if you haven’t done any of the races you were sent.
Also, we mail our applications by bulk mail. If you move,
they normally won’t forward it so make us aware of any address
changes if you relocate. Not getting your app in the mail
because you failed to do this is NOT a reason we should fit
you in after the cutoff. You can also normally find most of
our applications on this web site.
I Pre-entered one of your Races some time ago. Now there’s a Choice of Shirts
or now I’m a Clydesdale or I Just got a Year older, etc. How do I let you know
that?
Again, the best way is by email. The "defaults" for
your shirt, in most races, is a regular T-shirt and your age
is your default for your choice of age vs. Clydesdale. You
only absolutely have to let me know that an age changed if
it knocked you into a new age group or if it makes you eligible
for the oldest person there. If your Sex changes, we need
to talk!
Why Aren’t Trail race Entries allowed from those under 18?
In case you didn’t think we were serious, we REALLY DON’T
look for people that get lost! The laws say that those
18 and older are mature enough to be responsible for their
own actions. We equate this to them being responsible enough
to find their way back to the start. Also, kids under
18 can not authorize medical personnel to perform any repair
on them and, in rare cases, this becomes an unfortunate necessity
at a trail run. Rather than see them bleed out until they’re
as flat as Paris Hilton on a high note, we say “stay
home and clean your room”. Now, we are starting to let
16 & 17 year olds into some races but they MUST be accompanied
that day by a parent or guardian so that the issue of medical
permission is negated.
How Far is Reading from _______ (fill in the Blank).
All answers based on driving 5-10 miles over the legal limit
and include the time needed to get to the race start once
you hit Reading:
35-45 min from King of Prussia
1:10 from downtown Phila
1:10 from York
1:15 from just north of Wilmington, DE
1:15 from Harrisburg
2 hrs from Scranton
2 hrs from Intersection of I-83 and Baltimore Beltway
2:10 from Newark Airport
2:45 from western portion of Long Island if traffic isn’t
bad
2:45 from Intersection of I-95N and Washington Beltway
4 hrs from Syracuse
4:45 from downtown Pittsburgh
11 hrs from Atlanta, GA (or so they told me last year)
Why Can’t I Bring My Dog, Bike, Keg, Uzi, etc.?
The people that own our parks up here won’t allow it (primarily
applies to dogs at the Mudfest and to alcohol in state parks).
Their rules, not mine, but violate them and the race may be
disallowed next year. Also, many of our very well attended
races use single track and double track trails and there are
already problems when it comes to passing and hounds, huffys
and heavyweights like myself further aggravate the situation. If
you have these things in your car, either leave them there
or be very careful not to be seen by the park officials. The
Mudfest folks have shown a small amount of tolerance for a
few mutts that have been brought in recent years but they’re
within their right to change their minds at any time so don’t
give them a hard time if they call you on it. Also, make sure
they don’t go onto any athletic fields or picnic areas being
used by others. Also, dogs that react badly to other dogs
and/or people that get close ARE ESPECIALLY NOT WELCOME. I
ACTUALLY GOT BIT BY AN ATTENDEE’S DOG WHILE DIRECTING A RACE
AND HAD TO BE TENDED TO BY THE MEDICAL STAFF MANNING THE RACE!
Also, NONE OF THESE THINGS BELONG ON THE TRAIL DURING THE
RACE. Because of the size of our attendance and the size of
our trails, it’s dangerous. Now, if you’d like to go out either
after or before the runners, that’s fine. But, at least in
the Mudfest, anyone racing with an animal or while accompanied
by a biker will be doing their last Mudfest ever!
What do I do if the Wealth of Information above still leaves me Clueless
on an issue?
For short answers, email me, Ron Horn, at: rhornPCS@aol.com.
For more in-depth insight, call me at 610-779-2668 except
during ER, Survivor, the Sopranos, the Amazing Race, American
Idol (I am SUCH a girlie man!), CSI-Vegas or ESPECIALLY any
Philadelphia Eagles games.
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